Seeking approval from others is a deeply human behaviour rooted in our basic need for belonging and acceptance. From early childhood, we learn that approval brings love, safety, and connection. But when the need for external validation outweighs our own inner compass, it can lead to anxiety, low self-worth, people-pleasing tendencies, and disconnection from our true selves.
At its core, approval-seeking often comes from a fear of rejection or a belief that we are not “enough” as we are. According to Dr. Brené Brown (2012), this fear of disconnection drives perfectionism and people-pleasing, both of which are strategies to avoid shame or disapproval.
In today’s world, social media and comparison culture reinforce the idea that our value comes from how others perceive us. But the cost is high. We lose authenticity and may struggle to make choices aligned with our true values. Over time, this can affect mental health, confidence, and resilience.
To shift this pattern, practice self-compassion (Neff, 2011), challenge negative beliefs about worth, and begin noticing when you’re acting to be liked versus being real. Reclaiming your own approval is a courageous act of emotional maturity and personal growth.
If you’re ready to move beyond external validation and build a deeper sense of self-worth and confidence, support is available at Open Hand Counselling.
References:
- Brown, B. (2012). Daring Greatly.
- Neff, K. (2011). Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself.
