In moments of tension, it’s easy for couples to get overwhelmed. Emotional flooding in relationships – when our nervous system is overstimulated – can lead to shutting down or lashing out. Self-soothing techniques for couples are essential skills for calming ourselves so we can re-engage with our partner with clarity and care.
How to Self-Soothe During Conflict
When conflict arises, pause. Take a break of 20 – 30 minutes, and do something that helps you relax. Walk outside, breathe deeply, listen to calming music, or pray. Communicate to your partner: “I need time to settle before we continue.” This is not avoidance—it’s emotional responsibility and a healthy relationship communication skill.
The Power of a Soothing Timeout
Relationship researcher John Gottman recommends a “soothing timeout” to prevent escalation. His findings show that couples who use self-soothing are more likely to have productive, respectful conversations and avoid destructive patterns.
Grounding and Emotional Regulation Tools
Practising self-awareness also helps. Notice when your heart is racing or your thoughts are spinning. Use grounding techniques for couples: place your hand on your chest, take 4 slow breaths, and silently say, “I’m safe.” These tools for emotional regulation in couples therapy can help you calm your body before re-engaging.
Getting Support Together
At Open Hand Counselling, we support couples in developing strategies for healthy conflict resolution and staying connected during conflict. You don’t have to navigate relationship struggles alone. Support is available, and together you can learn to communicate with compassion and care.
Resources:
- The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work – John Gottman
- Gottman Institute: www.gottman.com
- Free audio meditations at insighttimer.com
